My day is brighter when I meditate. Literally brighter. I was sitting out on the porch of my ex-husband’s grandmother’s house (where I am staying while I visit my son) and with my eyes closed and I felt as if I could feel the sun shining on my face. I was out there for, oh I don’t know, twenty minutes and when I opened my eyes I was certain I was going to find that the clouds had cleared. It had been overcast all morning.
It took me a minute to settle into myself when I started my practice this morning. That’s what it feels like when I meditate. I settle into my body, my space, my life. Calm my mind from its fast paced thoughts, its anxieties. I say, ok darling (I call myself darling, it’s a very endearing term for me and it’s one of the ways I show myself love). Let’s rise above all of these thoughts. These anxieties. These fears. They will be right where I leave them. They won’t go anywhere. Let’s just fly away for a bit.
So I did. I gently shot upward. I can’t explain it any better. I release upward, spiritually. No effort required, just a letting go. I float up, above all of this human worry. And when I was there this morning, I realized that I’d gotten to the point in my meditation practice where I’d really just rather spend all my time meditating. It’s such a beautiful place. Full of light. Love. That’s what it is – all of it. Light and love. And that is so full and so bright that it fills the space forever. Time stops up there. Actually, it never existed in the first place. My body eases into a kind of lull. It is gingerly suspended. Again, no effort to exist.
I stayed there. I felt joy, unattached. I laughed when I heard myself ask, why I can’t I just stay here forever? A quiet, gentle voice reminded me that I do need to eat. And sleep. I slowly started trying to reacclimate myself to my earthly existence. I breathed in my surroundings. I tingled my toes. I brought my hands together. Not sure exactly why, but slowly, conscientiously, brought my palms together and placed the flesh of the outside edges of my thumbs against my third eye, the space between my eyebrows. I felt a kind of grounding, and enjoyed that moment, for a moment. Still, not wanting to open my eyes and leave this place of light, I breathed in again.
When I exhaled, I opened my eyes and it was like I was seeing the world for the first time. My eyesight was forward and down and I found myself looking at the chipped paint on the not-so-white porch floor. It was beautiful. It was vibrant. I gently looked up and saw the grass. It was swaying, as the wind was slightly strong today. I enjoyed its color. I noticed the branches swaying, existing. A car drove by. And the sky, the sky I thought to be so bright was full of gray. But in it’s overcast state, I still felt the bright warmth of the sun behind it.
So full, so bright was I that everything around me seemed to be the same. I sit here, looking at this computer screen, grateful for the opportunity to share with you yet part of me, just wants to be back there. It is where I come from. I do not claim I know where you come from or anyone else. But me, I come from that light, that love, that hope. Meditating brings me back to my spiritual home. I hope to be able to go back again soon. ;)